The Pressure

I have been keeping written accounts of events but I’ve nary had the time to actually formulate and post them, until tonight. So here they are, this one is slightly a mish mosh.

As mentioned in the first post, I am generally shy in some respects when it comes to sex. I firmly believe most of us have some fears, worries and doubts that nag at us. I know mostly what I’m shy about. It stems from a fear of being judged by my partner. Some of them are rather silly because they are so normal, especially by our standards today. I am working on getting over them. Mainly it stems around women finding their own pleasure, with or without a partner.

My mind tends to worry and travel, it just goes and goes, which makes it hard to just be in the moment sometimes. This is also much to my frustration because it means orgasms take quite a while. Usually it’s quicker when I’m alone but that seems to be changing.

I will call him Prince Alarming for now, there’s a personal history behind that name, but it will work until he gets a better nick name. I get terribly close with him. He gets me so close so fast and just when I think it may happen it fades, this is frustrating still but it gives me hope that I will get there repeatedly with him later. Currently I feel pressure to cum with him. As I feel it building, my mind starts to focus on it and I get into a bad cycle, wondering if it will happen, I start a line of thoughts, “Will it happen? Is it going to this time? Is it going to fade away? How soon? What’s taking so long?” that I know is not at all good for it. It does push it away.

I’m starting to focus on not caring so much, I’m working on staying more in the moment. However in his eagerness he has made things a bit worse. He wants to please me and feels that he has failed because it’s not happening. I told him we’ll work on it and that he shouldn’t make an issue of it. I smiled and turned it into a good thing, that we just have to practice more. The first time he mentioned it, it really increased the urgency. He brought it up again and I assured him the same however I don’t care as much. Which is good as this means that although I know he wants it to happen, I won’t be worrying and dwelling on him waiting for me to ‘perform.’

This must all sound like a mess to those who find it easy. I have a great idea of what I need to start doing which is good as I’m actively getting better and trying. I’m certainly open to advice, I warmly welcome it in fact!